Cursed Demon Possessed Car

As it turns out the transmission on our 03 Blazer is fried. This vehicle has been demon possessed from the moment we drove it into the driveway. The next morning after purchasing the car, we tried to start it and it wouldn't even turn over. We checked all the normal things and could find nothing. We had it towed to Lang Chevrolet for them to fix. They called a little later and said, "Thanks for the visitor". We asked, "What do you mean"? They said that when they opened the hood, a squirrel jumped out and ran all over the shop. They finally got rid of the creature and determined that the squirrel had eaten some of the wiring on the Blazer! The next incident happened after church on a warm summer Sunday night. My wife was taking a couple of ladies home after church. Some of us were standing outside fellowshipping. The sky turned a sickly yellowish green. The wind picked up and began spinning in a circular motion. Those of you who live in Kansas will automatically recognize these signs. Many of those fellowshipping ran for the basement. I didn't make it and the mini-tornado or microburst was over about as fast as it happened. At that moment my wife returned in our 03 Blazer. The occupants looked like they had just seen a ghost. A half block from the church a telephone pole fell on the top of the Blazer and a tree on the hood. There was a brach sticking out of the front of the vehicle that made it look like a unicorn. There was $7000.00 damage done to the car. I wish they had totalled it! After having the Blazer fixed the vehicle was the victim of a hail storm! I also nearly took out the mailbox of one of the families in our church. My wife has taken out a couple of deer with this car, it was sideswiped in our school's parking lot, and hit in Castle Rock, CO by a lady who couldn't speak English. And the list goes on. Now, the transmission is out. That is bad enough, but now I have no way to get my kayak to the water. When I get the car fixed, and that may be a long when, I am going to perform an exorcism on the vehicle! This car is, to borrow a phrase from my good friend Monte Draper a "stinkin' piece of junk"!